Skip to content

The One That Got Away (Part One)

May 29, 2013

I was just now trying to remember if I’d shared this dream on SPIR. I know I’d shared it in brief on a public forum, but I will go ahead and share it in greater depth. Several years ago, while attending an Orthodox Church for seven months, I’d had a dream that I was fishing. Dreaming this is not so unusual because I was about four when I first fished. Growing up with brothers and spending my childhood summers playing by a river, this was something we often did. In the mornings, before the adults had risen, we’d head down to the dock and drop in a line. Mostly what we’d catch there were sunfish. At night, we’d take the big boat out from the tributary and find a spot in the larger body of the river, and fish in key spots. It was here that we would catch the larger, more challenging underwater life.

I have not baited and tossed in a line for a number of years now, partly because I now experience a sensitiveness in seeing bait squirming on a hook, but all my senses recall the activity as if I’d just done it yesterday. But in the dream, I was standing a good distance up on the bank of a river. I was with my fishing buddy, another woman, and I tried to cast over the heads of many people who were also casting. I recall that this was extremely frustrating, and what made the cast even more tedious was a tangle of tree branches overhead. Seeing that this was not a proper way to fish, I told my friend that I was going to leave the embankment and head out into the water. She declined on this, and left. I then found myself standing on a sandy peninsula where there were a few others, also fishing. My very first cast stretched way way out, and I remember my surprise in seeing this, for the rod and reel that I had at that time was not new, nor was it the best equipment for far range casting. Still, I caught a fish immediately.

It is here that the dream takes on a mystical quality. When I lifted the fish from the water, I saw that it was small. I would say that it was only about seven inches long. I knew that it had to go back in the water, but I was afraid to unhook it for fear of hurting it. During this, I became aware of a young man beside me. The man then reached out his hand, and I handed him the fish. He unhooked the fish, handed it back to me, and I lowered my hand into the water and set the fish free. During this exchange, I never saw the man’s face, but I was aware that he was small in stature (not much bigger than me and I am 5’6″), thin, and had reddish orange hair at least shoulder length.

After waking, three things stood out for me. I was highly conscious of the small fish having been caught in deep waters. The man with reddish-orange hair was angelic, and my dream was prophetic, something having to do with my spiritual life. Months later, I had several visions which showed me “Who Is, this young man”, and some time after that, I understood the small fish to be me.


I won’t go into all of the meaning of that dream, but I will touch on a few aspects. The reddish-orange hair is symbolic of the Holy Spirit. Me as the small fish was demonstrating that I was in deep spiritual waters, and even though small, I was to be set free to continue growing in deep spiritual waters. My departure from the Orthodox parishes, orchestrated by God, was instrumental in moving me forward in my Spiritual growth. I had only been in this Tradition for seven months when I found myself on my own, no longer on a hook designed by man.

There are two reasons why I share this dream. First, I cannot begin to tell you how dreams and visions within a strong prayer life form you in the Way on Who Is in Matthew 16.18. But it is hugely important that you come into understanding of the Spiritual Symbology in these, otherwise you run the risk of a misstep. It’s not always wise to ignore the dreams like so many do, for The Lord is speaking to you in a most profound and personal way, but take care that you do not charge into a run upon the first bit of gnostic understanding. You might slip and fall on the ladder during your ascent (Referencing The Ladder of Ascent by John Klimacus). Sometimes this is an important slip, which will teach you much in what you need to know for your Spiritual Station, that calling in Christ, or it redirects you to nasty outcomes, and you pull others down with you. I am orthodox spiritual. In my faith, there are no coincidences. Once you see the relevance of this in your life, you will never look at life the same again.

The second reason I share this dream is to bring an awareness to something I am to call Spiritual Rape. This doesn’t sound pretty, I know, but is is HUGE. I have not been shy about sharing on SPIR some of what happened to me in the parishes over a period of twelve months. I have also been honest in adding that had I not gone through these experiences, I would not be where I am today in my Spiritual growth. I am thoroughly aware that the Spirit was at work in this, but it hasn’t just been my journey. And truthfully, it’s not about me. My reasons for those harsh but necessary essays (see essay “A” Light in Darkness), is about others, for I know, and have known my calling for several years now. One way to describe this is to say that I am not perfect but perfectly used. These are for the well-being of many.

Spiritual Rape has been, and continues to be, a common practice in the Religious Traditions of this world. Religion itself is not a bad thing, and I am not anti-religion, although, I consider Religion to be my competition. I have been criticized for saying this, but I must point out that I have never once called Religion my enemy. I have always said that Religion provides structure, but should never exceed love, but it is within the Traditions of this that people experience Spiritual Rape.

What is Spiritual Rape?

Spiritual Rape is the misuse of Spiritual Experiences. First, let me just say that I am well aware of the overuse of the word spiritual, for it has been applied to everything from the effects of skin creams to New Age fantasies. But I will not throw the baby out with the bath water because society has overused a good thing. It was in long before man came out, and I don’t intend to shy away from sharing on its proper placement. But one must come into understanding on the complexity of this Spirit.


Spiritual Rape is not the same as the denying of Spiritual Gifts, or the squashing of these, although there can be an element of rape in this. The denying of Spiritual Gifts in Traditions within Religious settings (and remember, anything can be Religion) is more akin to abortion, a death to life trying to be formed. This is not to say that the Spirit is not still at work within, for the Spirit can work in anyone at any time, all according to God’s will. This is saying that Spiritual Gifts within one are being denied. When one is young in the Spirit, and coming into a period of Transformation of Self, to deny this, through anyone, or any means, is a murdering of this within. When this occurs, and one is not attune to the Presence, or even the knowledge or understanding that It exists, self slips into darkness. I like to think of this as Sleep, The Deep Sleep. Of course, this has been called Hell, or Death. But as Optimist (Latin optimum – ‘best thing’ ), I like to remain open to the possibility that all will be permitted to ignite and eventually, over a period of time, come into the Bridal Chamber.

Spiritual Rape occurs when others take your Gifts and misuse them. For instance, if you share deep personal spiritual experiences such as dreams, visions, supernatural happenings with your spiritual advisor, mentor, priest or bishop, and these take your Gifts and use them to satisfy self, or self-agenda, or even to squash the effect of these, this is a raping of Gift, also understood as that which is given in the Parable of the Talents (Mina). But how does this actually occur? What form or avenue does this take? Well, for one, to deny woman Spiritual Voice in Religious Traditions while using her Gifts for your own agendas is Spiritual Rape of her Being. But one must understand this Voice. As the Spirit is unconfined, it flows freely, and when it is joined with these Gifts from God the Father, His Energy, which is actually an Experience of Activating the Heart to search the Mind, it produces Offspring of good intent, effective and Spirreal. But if this is squashed, or incorrectly used, not only do those involved in this rape occur a debt, but they blaspheme the Spirit.

Another example might be to deny man in Religious Vocation the act of intimacy of woman. I know what works in those who enforce this belief on “celibacy”, for I see its head, and I know why this experience, which is intended for SPIRITUAL PURPOSES, is denied these men, and women. No wool is pulled over the eye of the sheep in Love, – God Love. You can dress this in any form to attempt it as an image of holiness, a true marriage, but if God demands Offspring of His Making, to deny this, is to deny Life. 

The Godhood is not firmly Patriarchal, and should never be demonstrated as such, for man, woman, or child. Mary of the Word should never be used as substitute for the Holy Spirit, for she is not, nor is she Sophia. Most of Religion, and the offspring born of these, has taught and conditioned all of mankind through a Patriarchal lens. Spiritual Rape of Sophia might be a topic worth exploring. But one might also ask if this is even possible  – to rape Wisdom?

Continued …

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: